About Me

I'm a 30-something girl shaping my life to be what I've always wanted. I've been incredibly fortunate to have never dealt with any major mental health issues despite both parents having many. I can't believe the luck and take none of it for granted. I hope to reach out to others who may live the same life.

Friday, March 19, 2010

It is faith and a smile that will get me through

This new year brings challenge with each coming month.

March-a difficult family loss but an overdue visit to loved ones
April-moving across the country with no concept of what job lies ahead

And so I wonder, now what? May is nearly the middle of the year and a perfect time for it all to turn around. Or maybe I look at it all in the wrong way. Maybe there has been something to be gained by each new challenge I've faced, many of which I've had to figure out as I go. Although difficult and scary, each one of these things has brought me closer to someone different, and in some cases, many people. And maybe it's not about the events or even how I felt about those events, but about the people surrounding those events. About how I feel about those people and what I'm able to build with them as a result. And about the good that it brings out of people, allowing them to show their true colors. Is this year nature's strange way of enrichment?

Maybe, and maybe not, but there is rarely a dull moment. Today I've made a huge change, officially. I will now move back to Minnesota, officially. And I am now committed more than ever to making it work in Minnesota with little knowledge of how to do it. Officially.

Do I regret coming to a job that promised a lot and gave a little in a place that I knew no one and had not even living room furniture to my name? Not at all. Am I upset that it didn't work out? Yes. And this is mostly because of the people. I found a kind human spirit here that is hard to leave. I connected with many and just hope to leave everything a little better than I found it. But don't we all? A generic comment with specific ways of fulfilling it. That's really all it comes down to for anyone anymore.

I find that you get what you need when you most need it, but only if your eyes are open to it. For example-while at my Grandfather's wake, I was practically offered a job. It's quite an odd situation, and if the position were currently open, I'd probably give it very strong consideration, although I hear there is high turnaround... The point is, life is what you make of it. Communicating what you need and want in life can bring it closer to you, but you'll never see it if you're not using the rest of your communication senses. Not everything is going to slap you in the face. I can speak for myself and others I'm sure when I say that opportunity is not exactly waiting at my doorstep with a bow on, but it might be quite near and accessible if you're willing to take a quick walk.

When I look at what I'm stressing over and then think of my Grandpa and how amazing he was, I don't feel like it's all that bad. He was someone who made others happy, and always had a wink for you. Even when feeling his worst, he was not complaining. Instead, he was singing. Although New Year's is long past, I must admit that in my beginning stages of pneumonia, I never made a resolution. I feel there is time for it now.

I resolve to worry less and smile more. I resolve to realize that everything will work out because it simply has to. The best will come of the situation, even if you can't see it yet. I do not always need to do the steering to try to make it the best. Sometimes I don't know exactly where I'm going anyway. So I will stress less about it and enjoy the roads ahead of me more, putting more faith in the people surrounding me. I will smile, and I will sing. And I will do this because just like Grandpa knew about himself, I know that I am loved and understood. People will stand behind me and will tell me that they know they don' t have to worry about me because I'm strong and I'll be fine.

That, coincidentally, was the last thing my Grandpa said about me. "I don't worry about Jolen". I resolve to second that.