At the heart of the matter

There has been a lot of soul searching going on around me lately, and I am also feeling the need to do some of my own. Maybe it's my girly emotions flying around lately, but sometimes I have to wonder what's the most important in life. Is it how people perceive you, or how you perceive yourself? Or maybe it's how the people who matter to you actually perceive you.

I feel like mostly, it's the latter. For most of my life, I have had those people around me. They have largely contributed to who I am and the parts of myself that I love. Lately I think, how do I get back to that part of myself that I am most comfortable with? How do I get to the point where I'm immersed in those types of things again? Is it more important to immerse myself in familiarity, or adapt to make what I have around me familiar?

Success in career, how far away from my small hometown and level of responsibility. These used to be the things that I measured my personal success by. I used to look for something that would take me away from where I came from, because where I come from doesn't have big buildings, fancy shopping centers, very many people in business suits, fancy cars or even a good smell, really. But it does have so many things that, in my mind, have transcended above the rest. The things that make me...me. I no longer look at situations where people stay in their small home towns all across America to be closer to family. I thought why don't they do more? I used to think it was at the expense of their own good. There's so much more success to be had elsewhere, right? But maybe they were on to something after all.