| Birds of Prey | 7 |
| Big Boyz | 12 |
| Waffle Houses (Hiz-houses) | 25 |
| Adult Stores | 11 |
| Shell-Ways (Shell stations with Subways) | 6 |
| Road kill (unidentifiable) | 13 |
| Sketchy tanning places | 1 (near the KFC museum) |
| Colonel Sanders statues | 1 |
| Billboards for Jesus | 12 |
| Bumperstickers for Jesus | 4 |
| Fallen Rock signs | 13 |
| Hummer (the cars) | 3 |
| Disgusting Bodily Gashes | 1 |
| Banjo people | Sadly, 0 |
| Mega churches | 11 |
| Cheerios trucks | 1 |
| Mega-tron crosses | 3 |
| Fireworks Emporium | 40 |
| Class I explosive tunnels | 5 |
| Pilot-ways | 4 |
| Bible scripture nailed to trees | 3 |
| Cracker Barrels | (many, but we forgot to keep track of that one) |
| Car Ligaments | 30 |
| Gators (shredded tires on road) | 35 |
| Icy bridge signs (we almost regret this one) | 25 |
| Flealand Markets! | 20 |
| Hit-ons | 3 (Super 8 bellhop, Jiffy Lube guy, grocery store freak) |
Car Bingo-Day 4
| Whole road kill | 5 |
| Massacre road kill | 4 |
| Waffle hiz-houses | 15 |
| Icy road signs | 14 |
| Gators | 19 |
| Pilot-ways | 2 |
| Penis-extension trucks | 4 |
| Shell-ways | 4 |
| Fireworks | 10 |
| Mad clowns selling apartments | 1 (In |
| Mega churches | 2 |
| Mega-tron cross | 1 |
| Rug signs | 11 |
| Flea markets | 5 |
| Dealer plates | 4 |
| Abandoned cars | 7 |
| Parades of electrical cars | 10 |
| Green trucks for tree removal | 7 |
| Accident investigation sites with no apparent accidents | 2 |
| Fallen rock signs | 4 |
| Condoms as balloons! | 1 |
Notable Quotables
Tricky...just like a good hooker -Emily
"Everyone in the listnening area...we suggest stocking up on baby diapers, dry goods and water". -A Lexington, KY weatherman on day 2.
"Man these people don't know what a real storm is..." -Jolén and Emily (We would later regret this one)
Tartarian Road?! Hell no! I'm turning around. -Jolén
How y'all doin'? -Pretty much everyone south of central Illinois
Oh hey! -Emily
So my friends and I are having a party this weekend...a singles party... -the freaky guy at the Food Lion
Actually, I'm from Minnesota -Emily at the Food Lion (Um, aren't you from a completely different state?)
Oh, thanks darling -...??? maybe the guy at the free drinks bar at the Embassy Suites?
Oooh! Little tumble leaves! -Emily and Jolén
So...I'm looking at Kentucky now... yeah, looks like one big CF -John
Ices! -Jolén
Wow! That's a big Dick's! (the sporting goods store) -Emily
Columbia Waffle House at 1:00 pm 70 degrees and breezy
2:17 p.m. Jolene and Jetta battle the elements, Jolene wins. 58 degrees and rainy :(
2:29 p.m. Jolene and Emily find the polka station. All is well.
2:30 p.m. Polka station turns out to be the local Spanish station. Who'd have thought?
2:41 p.m. Jolene hums the He-man theme song...by herself.
2:45 p.m. Jolén tells Emily she spelled her name WRONG in all previous entries, that's bunk.
3:05 p.m. Airway evacuation occurs, windows rolled down. Emily vows to buy Bean-O.
3:06 p.m. We have breached North Carolina
3:32 p.m. Emily has a heated conversation with 511 or the highway department via automated service. In response to "city and state please" shes responds with a...(you fill in the blank).
3:34 p.m. In the foothills of the Smoky Mountains.
3:55p.m. Finding ourselves (incorrectly) on the Billy Graham Freeway for 2 minutes.
During these two minutes Jolén and Emily are yet again fooled by the Verizon commercial (FAIL)
4:06 p.m. We become wind socks
4:38 p.m. Hello Tennessee! 43 degrees
If there were any further entries, they would continue with us thinking the weather was fine for us to drive in when it so clearly was not, with Emily getting angry at the "helpful" 511 to the point that physical violence to an intangible voice ensues, and a moment where survival tactics are actually considered.
Day 2 of the ride home
12:17 p.m. Emily declares it's ok to rock sandals with socks. Bad faupaux.
12:25 p.m. Jolén and Emily run through Starbuck's. Emily dodges snow puddles.
12:31 p.m. Emily is openly reprimanded by the Starbuck's barista for wearing socks with sandals in 25 degree weather (I personally don't think it had anything to do with the temperature).
12:35 p.m. Emily runs into the Starbuck's door.
12:48 p.m. Emily comes to the realization that there's no coffee in her drink. FAIL.
After this, Emily was driving and I was not quite so good at documentation, as I was busy playing DJ instead. But we finally got home at around 6 p.m. that Friday night, only two full days after we were supposed to. We finally Landed.
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